The Good Soldier
by the knave of hearts
Summary: After being forced to retire from the secret government organization Naruto had been raised to work in since infancy, he goes to Konoha, expecting to live a boring and peaceful life. He should’ve known better. AU. NaruSasu. YAOI.
1. Chapter 1

AN: NaruSasu. Eventually **Yaoi.** AU.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it.

SUMMARY: After being forced to retire from the secret government organization Naruto had been raised to work in since infancy, he goes to Konoha, expecting to live a boring and peaceful life. He should've known better.

**NOTE**: This takes place in an AU Fire Country. It's basically the modern world; no ninjas or chakra. ANBU is a governmental/military-oriented organization.

WARNINGS: Eventual yaoi, violence, language, political conspiracies

/FLASHBACK/

'THOUGHTS'

"SPEECH"

(DOCUMENT)

* * *

"Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives." – John Adams

* * *

/_Naruto stared openly at his commanding officer, mouth ajar. Ibiki continued._

"_As Team Seven's captain is retiring, we've chosen a new team leader. Subaku Gaara, codenamed Shukaku, you are now promoted to the rank of Captain."_

_Gaara nodded, a slightly puzzled look crossing his features. Naruto couldn't help but wonder how confused his former subordinate must really be to actually be showing puzzlement. _

"_Nii Yugito, codenamed Nekomata, you will now be promoted to Second-in-Command, to take the captain's place in case of emergency." Even Yugito looked bewildered. "You will receive a new third member to be introduced at a later date. Dismissed." The two left the room, Yugito throwing her former captain a pitying look and Gaara with a stony glance at Ibiki, lips thinned to the point of invisibility. _

_When the door was shut behind him, Ibiki motioned for the blond man to sit. "You have permission to speak freely, Uzumaki."_

"_Why have I been selected?" Naruto asked. "I'm only twenty-four years old! I have at least two years of service left before retirement should be considered!"_

"_I understand," Ibiki said slowly, "but this wasn't any one person's decision. You were chosen to retire to civilian life by the ANBU council."_

"_What did I—"_

"_You did nothing wrong," Ibiki cut him off. "You've completed enough missions to be considered. Your record is flawless. You were the logical choice. ANBU members can only go civilian when they are trusted implicitly to not be a security threat."_

"_Great, that's wonderful," Naruto sighed, running a hand through his shaggy blond hair. "But what do I do now?"_

"_All the information you need is in here," the older man pulled out a sealed manilla folder. "Don't read it until you've arrived at your new residence. This," he pulled out a letter-sized envelope, laying it on top of the folder, "you may open when you've been delivered to the safe point by way of ANBU provided transportation. It will contain the whereabouts of your new residence, as well as how you will get there." He handed them to Naruto, gesturing towards the door. "Your transport guides will be in the front office. Good luck, Uzumaki." /_

He had done exactly as instructed. He'd gotten into the unmarked black car with two senior ANBU members and had been dropped off at a nearby public parking lot. The envelope had contained a car key, a description of his new car—"A gray sports car? Do they have _no_ taste?"—and directions to his new abode.

After two hours, Naruto had arrived in Konoha, the capital of Fire Country, and found said abode. It was an inconspicuous three-floor apartment complex, painted an offensive shade of green.

All of his things—excluding his vast collection of weapons and various ANBU necessities—had been moved in already, he noted, right down to his plastic, orange martini glasses. He'd freshened up and then opened the folder, pulling out a thick booklet.

(ANBU CAPTAIN NO. 7-335 "KYUUBI" RETIREMENT INFORMATION:

Date of Retirement: August seventh

Name: Uzumaki Naruto

Residency: Apatment 2C, Leaf Apartment Complex, Konoha City, Fire County

Birth date/Age: October 10th/24

Sex: Male

Occupation: High school teacher, History/Geography, Konoha City Public High

Occupation commencement: Monday (August 12th, 0730 hours)

"They want me to _teach?_ At a _high school?_" He shook his head, looking at the following page.

(CIVILIAN HISTORY: Attended Fire Country University on the independent study program. Graduated May of current year with a 3.4 GPA. (Diploma enclosed) No close Family. Raised through the foster-care system in Wind Country. Moved to Fire Country at eighteen to attend college. Moved to Konoha for employment. No close friends to speak of.)

It went on to speak of his medical history, documented injuries, what car he had, and so on. Naruto had to admit it was well done. He was content to spend the next five days memorizing the information when he opened it to the back page. "What the hell?"

Attached to the inside of the back cover was another letter-sized envelope. He ripped it off, mindful of the tape, and opened it. "Holy shit," he whispered, astonished. Inside was a letter of two pages. But that's not what startled him. No, he'd dealt with concealed letters before. This, however, was a _coded_ and concealed letter.

It was written in the code he had developed as a joke on Ibiki. The man had forced him to show him how to decode it upon finding the mission report he had written it in. He was the only other one who knew about it. With shaking hands, Naruto began to read it.

(CODENAME: SCARS) '_So Ibiki did write this then,' _he noted, continuing. (Uzumaki Naruto—

I sincerely hope you still remember how to read your self-invented code. If not, we're all fucked.

Fire Country is in danger. I am asking you not as Kyuubi the ANBU captain, but as Naruto the civilian to help me. I recently received intelligence from one of our branch operatives that the ANBU side organization dubbed "ROOT" is planning a cabal(1) against not only ANBU, but the whole of the Fire Country government.

The informant was killed in the line of duty the next day.

**Understand what's occurring: if you choose to accept my request you will not be backed by ANBU. You will be completely alone.**

A ROOT member will be approaching you within forty-eight hours of arriving in Konoha to issue you an offer. **You are to accept.** Although after that, the information becomes vague, I believe they will offer you a position as a solo ROOT officer. With your knowledge on the inner-workings of ANBU and the political secrets of every country you've taken a mission in (including Fire Country), you will be invaluable to their cause.

I am the only one aware of the situation with ROOT, and their interest in you. **If you are discovered, ANBU will deem you a traitor to the organization and Fire Country. DON'T GET CAUGHT. **You are the only one who can take ROOT down.

I have faith in you, Uzumaki. Do us all proud.

-destroy this letter immediately upon completion-)

Half-way through the letter, Naruto was shaking. By the time he finished, he felt ill.

"_Fuck,_" Naruto said emphatically. "_Fuck_." He was pretty sure this wasn't how retirement was supposed to be. '_Note to self: retirement is a sham.'_

* * *

(1) – Basically a hostile takeover, like a coup d'etat. The main difference is that it's not an outside organization attempting to overthrow the government; it's from the inside.

"_A conspiracy is to be contrasted with a __cabal__. The two are similar but have quite different connotations; in contrast to a cabal, a conspiracy usually looks to overthrow a fixed power instead of usurping it from within." – Wikipedia article, Cospiracy(political)_

* * *

AN: Just so you know, this is going to be a long story, quick for action, slow for _/action/._ So don't be expecting hot NaruSasu action for a while.

All that aside, I hope you enjoyed the prologue despite its shortness. It _is _a prologue, though. If you like involved plot and length chapters, this will be your story!


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Well, here's a new chapter. It's late because I'm lazy.

No, Sasuke isn't in this chapter, but there are a few things that I'm willing to bet none of you expected. Seriously. Plot twists like crazy, man. Sort of. Expect Sasuke next time.

WARNINGS: bad language out the wazoo, smoking, and pessimism. Yeah, it's pretty tame. For now.

LYRICS

'THOUGHTS'

"SPEECH"

THANKS TO: MikaTanaka, nanachan87, viciouscallisto, colgate.advanced.fresh, tad, skycraZe, fanofninjawarrior, EmXchan, Thayend, blckjagwgldeyes, CryingCrimsonEyes, Cyber-Porygon, FuzzyLeaf, Hisuinohebi, Miss-sleeps-alot, Rarity88, Shinigami-momo, ShinyaDiey, Wakaran a i xx, blugirlami21, darkvisions88, and kayassine FOR SUPPORTING THIS STORY!

* * *

"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people." – V, V for Vendetta

* * *

It was about twelve hours after his arrival in Konoha when a ROOT operative approached him.

Naruto had been sitting on his living room floor in a ratty gray bath robe and sweat pants drinking Kool-aid out of one of his plastic orange martini glasses when three solid knocks resounded through his apartment.

"Too fuckin' early for this," he grumbled, pulling the robe shut as he stood. Opening the door, he came face-to-face with a grumpy-looking guy who couldn't be much older than himself, hair tied up haphazardly in a ponytail vaguely resembling a pineapple and a cigarette dangling from his lips.

"Merry fuckin' welcome," the man grumbled, dropping the cigarette and shoving a fruit basket into the befuddled blond's arm.

"Wha—"

"Shut the damn door already," Naruto's visitor—'_The Hell crawled up his ass?'_—snapped, dropping into one of the straight-backed wooden chairs in the living room. Naruto, still thoroughly flummoxed, complied and followed the disgruntled man.

"Why are you in my apartment?" Naruto tried, beginning to feel disgruntled himself.

"Are you alone?"

"Yes." A sudden, intense regret was building in Naruto's stomach. _'Why did I let this guy in again?'_

"I'm from ROOT," the man sighed, fumbling with a pack of cigarettes. "Fuck, you don't mind, right?" Naruto just waved him on. He lit a new cigarette, inhaling deeply, before continuing. "You've heard of them, right? All ANBU know about them. Name's Nara Shikamaru, by the way," he finished, leaning his head forward and closing his eyes.

Naruto didn't know where to begin. He briefly wondered how he would've reacted had Ibiki not warned him beforehand. Recalling Ibiki's advice, he played along. "How do you know about ANBU?" He demanded, reaching for a weapon at his side that wasn't really there.

"Easy," Shikamaru put his hands up, looking both alarmed and tired. "I'm not here to cause trouble. Fuck, this is so tiresome," he muttered, taking another drag. "The man in charge decided he needs your," he sneered, "_expertise_ to carry out his plan."

"And what plan might that be?" Naruto asked with narrowed eyes. Shikamaru studied him thoughtfully for a moment.

"You knew I was coming, didn't you?"

"Huh?" Blinking, the ex-ANBU tried to process that last comment.

"Look," Shikamaru reasoned, "I'm not stupid. You were warned." He sighed again. "Don't think for a second I give a damn though."

"If you don't care, then why are you here?" Naruto asked. "What does ROOT have on you?"

"A bunch of shit, that's what."

They sat in silence for a few moments. "Are you wired?"

"No," Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "I'm not worth that much. You'd probably be doing them a favor if you killed me."

"I see," the blond man sighed, rubbing at his face. "No matter how low on the chain you are though, they had to be pretty confident in my response to be so . . . Well, forward." Shikamaru nodded. "So what is it then?"

"What's what?" The other man grunted, accidentally ashing his cigarette too hard and breaking it in half. He sighed, pulling out a new one.

"What assurance do they have that I'll join?"

"This," the brunet pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pants pocket, handing it over. Naruto looked it over, furrowing his brow.

"Whoa, now wait just a fuckin' minute!" Naruto stared at the paper incredulously. "How in the Hell do they plan on tying me to an international _child pornography_ ring?!"

"Got me. All I know is to not doubt them," Shikamaru said gravely. "They've got people everywhere. For all we know, the fucking _maintenance man_ could be a ROOT member."

"Jesus," Naruto ran a hand through his hair, the previous night's sick feeling returning.

"You have no idea."

* * *

When Naruto had read Ibiki's letter, scenarios of what his new life would be like had shot through his mind like bullets being fired in rapid succession. Would he have to go on the run? Would he be killing off the people around him? Would he, himself, end up killed soon? Yet there he was, the Sunday night before he reported in to the school he was supposedly going to 'nurture young minds' at, lounging on his new couch—which, coincidentally, wasn't all that new. He'd gotten it at a second hand store, courtesy of his new 'friend'—and picking at the loose gray fibers hanging off the fringe, while he listened to old songs alongside the lazy man.

"What time is it?" Naruto muttered, throwing another bit of couch-fuzz onto the ground.

"It's not so bad, I guess." Shikamaru sighed, as he seemed to do quite often, completely ignoring Naruto's question. "Being a teacher, that is. Yeah, the kids are annoying, and so is the faculty. I always just think about how it could be worse."

"You're awfully negative, you know." Shikamaru snorted.

"You think?"

The music in the background went quiet for a moment before beginning a new song:

_Dance boogie wonderland  
dance boogie wonderland  
Midnight creeps so slowly into hearts,  
of men who need more than they get  
daylight deals a bad hand,  
to a woman who has laid too many bets_

The two men looked at each other, eyes wide.

"Boogie Wonderland?" Shikamaru ran a hand through his loose hair, chuckling. "Do all government assassins listen to crap?"

"No, just disco."

They fell into a comfortable silence, decidedly ignoring the music. '_Tomorrow's going to be terrible,'_ Naruto thought. '_I can feel it in my bones._'

And so the calm before the storm continued.

* * *

"Now tell me again why I'm driving you to work?"

"Because we live in the same complex and work in the same place. It's called gas conservation, dumb ass."

"No, it's called '_I'm a lazy son of a bitch_' syndrome," Naruto grumbled, pulling onto the eerily empty street.

"Whatever works," Shikamaru shrugged. "It's really too troublesome."

Naruto decided then that 'troublesome' was his least favorite word.

"So, if school doesn't even begin till next Monday, why are we going in?"

"Because we're the teachers."

"And?" Naruto prompted. The Nara just rolled his eyes.

"And this is our official planning time; you know, getting lessons ready and moving into your classroom if you're new. Plus," he added in a tone that made Naruto feel apprehensive, "there's that damned lunch."

"Lunch?"

"Yeah, it's like a mixer. All of the new teachers get to meet the returning teachers. It's a fucking sham, though. All anybody does is sit around and eat and stare at each other. Nobody really wants to go."

"Fabulous," Naruto groaned. He'd never been big on awkward social situations. Hell, he'd never even been to an awkward social situation! There was never room for awkwardness on missions.

They arrived at the school at exactly seven-fifteen, Shikamaru grumbling as he pointed Naruto in the direction of the New Staff Orientation Room.

It wasn't much of a room, Naruto noted as he walked in. There were four women in the room, none of which looked very interested in dealing with him. Nevertheless, they greeted him.

"New teacher?" A blonde woman asked, leaning against a wall.

"Yeah."

"Name?" The woman nodded at another with short dark hair, who pulled out a clipboard.

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Great; welcome to Konoha Public. Since you're the only new teacher this year, we can go ahead and get started. I'm Senju Tsunade, the principal. I'm your boss, so don't fuck with me." Naruto suppressed a chuckle and nodded. "This," Tsunade gestured towards the dark haired woman writing, "is my secretary, Tatami Shizune. That over there," she pointed to another woman with pink hair, "is Haruno Sakura. She's the school's doctor. And last," she nodded at a woman with pale eyes and long dark hair, "is the guidance counselor, Hyuuga Hinata. If you need anything, ask."

Naruto nodded again.

"Great. Now, every new teacher—which is just you this year—gets a student project their first year, which basically involves mentoring an at risk student."

"What exactly does 'at risk' mean?"

"Low grades, behavior issues, problems at home, the list goes on," she sighed. "You've been assigned Sarutobi Konohamaru. He's a sophomore this year. He'll assist you at least twice a week after school. You decide the time. What you work on is your business. Any questions?"

Naruto scowled. This wasn't part of the contract ANBU had given him. "Not really."

"You'll meet Konohamaru at ten; you'll spend until lunch getting to know each other."

* * *

By the time Konohamaru was supposed to show up at ten, Naruto had memorized the information in the folder Tsunade had given him on his 'student project'. When the boy finally showed up an hour and a half later, Naruto had mentally composed an impromptu psychological profile based on the information. When his charge entered the room, a defiant look on his face, he had already what needed to be done.

"Sarutobi Konohamaru?" He asked, subtly shifting the folder under a stack of books on his new desk.

"No duh," the boy muttered, shifting awkwardly on his feet in the doorway.

"Good. Now shut up and sit over there," Naruto pointed at the table across the room from where he sat, "I don't feel like dealing with you now." The boy glared at him.

"Whaddaya mean, you don't feel like dealing with me? You have to!"

"No I don't. Besides," he shrugged nonchalantly, "you've successfully wasted an hour and a half of my time that I could've been doing something more enjoyable than staring at you."

"But—"

"Didn't I tell you to sit down and shut up?" Naruto interrupted sharply. The boy flinched back, moving towards the designated spot. Another thirty minutes went by before Naruto thought he had gotten his point across.

"Okay, Kid, bring a chair over here, and sit down." Despite his rebellious expression, the teenager did as he was told, slumping into his chair in front of Naruto's desk. "Great. My name's Uzumaki Naruto, and this is my first year as a teacher. For no reason that I can figure out, I've been assigned to mentor you. Any questions?"

"No, Sensei."

"Hm," Naruto looked thoughtfully at the boy. "Tell me about yourself."

"How do you mean?" Konohamaru asked, brow furrowed.

"Do what I do. My name's Uzumaki Naruto, like I said. I'm twenty-four, and this is my first year as a teacher. I dislike bastards, for obvious reasons, and I like a lot of other things. Your turn," he nodded, leaning back in his swivel-chair.

"My name's Sarutobi Konohamaru. I'm fifteen and a sophomore this year. I live with my grandpa who's the mayor. I like martial arts even though Gramps won't let me get an instructor to learn it, and I hate people who badmouth Gramps 'cause he doesn't deserve it," Konohamaru finished off darkly, glaring at his feet. The wheels in Naruto's head began turning.

"Martial arts, huh?" He tapped his chin in contemplation, glancing at the wayward student. "Why won't your grandpa let you learn it?"

"It's 'cause he doesn't want me going to classes for it. He says I'd need individual instruction, and no one's willing to do it," he grumbled, kicking the floor angrily.

"I see. What if I told you I'd do it?" Naruto knew he was taking a chance with this; teaching the boy the things he'd been taught could—would—inevitably cause him problems.

"You know how?" Konohamaru asked, leaning forward with wide eyes. Naruto nodded. "And you'll teach me?!"

"If you're willing to make certain compromises with me, then yes. I will teach you." The boy frowned again.

"Compromises?"

"You have to get at least a seventy-seven in every class you take, and I don't want you getting into trouble."

"Hmph. How do I even know you can fight? You might just be messing with me!" The teenager accused.

"That's true. How would you like me to prove it?" Konohamaru thought for a moment, then grinned.

"Break something."

"Like what?" Naruto asked, bewildered.

"Like," the boy trailed off, glancing around the room. His eyes landed on a wooden footstool resting against the wall, "that!" He ran over and picked it up, grinning. "You think you can?"

Naruto eyed the wooden contraption. It looked sturdy, made with thick wood. It wouldn't be easy to break, Naruto noticed. At least not for a normal person.

"I think I might be able," He said, standing up. "Put it on my desk." Konohamaru eagerly positioned it, looking at his Sensei expectantly. Naruto looked down at it. '_The kid probably expects me to chop it in half,_' he thought. '_Whatever he wants, I guess._' He positioned his hand in the middle of it, palm flat and hand sideways. He raised it up about two feet, then brought it down swiftly. A crack resounded through the room.

"Woah," Konohamaru breathed, staring at the two halves of the footstool that had cracked in two. "Awesome . . ."

"Sure; now do we have a deal?"

"Hell yeah, Boss! When do we start?" Naruto cringed at the new nickname but otherwise ignored it.

"Well," he glanced at the clock on the wall. It read twelve thirty-five. "Not now. I was supposed to be at that lunch thing five minutes ago. You hungry?" Konohamaru nodded eagerly, trailing behind Naruto as the made their way to the cafeteria.

Naruto had never realized just how stifling hero worship really was. '_Especially,_' he thought, cringing inwardly at the teenage boy's look of awe, '_for the person on the hero side of the equation._'

* * *

AN: I'm sorry, but I like Konohamaru. He's going to have a fairly big part in this story. As is Shikamaru. NOT ALL IS AS IT SEEMS. Which, I suppose, is a given in this type of story. Bah.

(If you think this is different, wait till next chapter. I plan on having fun with Sasuke.)


	3. Chapter 3

AN: When was my last update? June 22? Jesus God, I'm a lazy bastard!

. . . But you all knew that, right? I'd give you a bunch of excuses like 'my cat died' or 'I had a hernia' but those are lies. So instead I'll just say, "The American bureaucracy has devoured my soul and only recently shit it out. Please excuse my absence."

That sounds more like it.

So, I'm not overly thrilled with this chapter. I had to drag it out of my bleeding mind word by agonizing word, and it's just sort of _okay_, you know? But it's a building-block chapter, so there.

For those of you interested in the progress of new chapters, check out my website: krechetwrites. com (remove the space). It's an archive of all my works and is always updated first.

**TO REVIEWERS: **I appreciate all of the support. But, as noted above, I am lazy. Unless I am asked a specific question or feel the need to reply, I probably won't. THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T CARE. 'Cause seriously, I love you guys.

And as for Sasuke? None of you have correctly guessed what part he plays in this story and that just tickles me. Okay, not really. Either way, enjoy chapter three. Part three. Whatever the Hell you want to call it.

NOTE: This '**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}****' **signifies a change in POV between Sasuke and Naruto.

* * *

_"I don't guess people's hearts got anything to do with a calendar." _– John Wayne in Hondo

* * *

As it turned out, the staff and faculty lunch was not in the cafeteria as Naruto had assumed. After fifteen minutes of wandering around the school with his self-appointed sidekick, Naruto found himself incensed. After a brief run-in with a rather helpful member of the maintenance crew, the duo headed toward the faculty lounge, Naruto muttering curses against the overly-endowed principal for not telling him where the Hell the damn lunch was supposed to be.

"Hey, Boss?"

"What, Konohamaru?" Naruto bit out. After the fifth time telling his 'mentee' to quit calling him by that ridiculous title, the blond man had given up hope of ever dissuading the boy. He could only hope that his charge had enough sense to not call him 'Boss' in public.

"I know this is supposed to be your first year and all, but how come you don't know where anything is? You've been in the school before, right?" Naruto cringed inwardly. Why the fuck did the brat choose to be perceptive about _that_?

"No, unfortunately. I did all of my interviews over the phone. I'm not really from around Konoha." The boy nodded thoughtfully, taking in his sensei's appearance. He had never seen someone with a tan like that before. It was like he spent all his time outside naked! And he was blond, too! Konohamaru's brow furrowed as he tried to observe the older man out of the corner of his eye. He was tall and broad, like he worked out a lot. He had weird marks on his face, kind of like cat whiskers. Pseudo-whiskers aside, he seemed normal enough until you looked at his clothes.

All of the teachers at Konoha Public wore casual dress clothes: polo shirts, khakis, skirts, button-ups, and blouses. But not Naruto. He was in jeans that had clearly been worn a great deal; the knees were tinted white and threadbare. His shirt was an obscene orange, leaving outsiders with the impression that he'd dressed in the dark.

Just as the sophomore opened his mouth to comment on his sensei's obvious lack of taste, Naruto pushed open a door on their left, walking in with his mouth set in a grim line.

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

Uchiha Sasuke hated many things. As a matter of fact, he had a list taped to his bedroom wall where he'd occasionally add things, the most recent (number three-hundred-seventy-nine, in fact) being the batch of grape tomatoes he'd bought the previous week. He'd also added a footnote (number seventy-two) at the bottom of the page stating that the name 'grape tomatoes' was false advertising. They tasted like shit.

"So, did you finally manage to get laid, Uchiha?"

Inuzuka Kiba, however, was number one.

He saw Kakashi roll his visible eye at the comment. Kiba asked him that nearly every day they saw each other, seemingly delighted with the fact that the Uchiha was a twenty-six year old virgin. Sasuke sniffed airily. It wasn't like he _couldn't_ 'get any'; people threw themselves at his feet! He just had a high standard, that's all.

Glancing at the clock hanging on the drab gray wall of the faculty lounge, he sighed. All of the other 'teacher-teams' had already headed out for lunch, but he and Kakashi—as well as Tsunade and Kiba, but they didn't count—were stuck waiting for their final team mate, a new teacher by the name of Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke's thoughts were cut short as the door opened slowly and a tall blond man walked in with a wide-eyed teenager following obediently at his heels.

All four people in the room did a double-take when they realized the 'obedient teenager' was none other than the notorious brat Sarutobi Konohamaru.

The man, more than likely the new teacher, stood awkwardly near the door as though contemplating the best way to escape. Sensing this, Tsunade stood from where she was seated at one of the lounge's three round tables.

"So, you finally decided to join us then, Uzumaki? I could have sworn I told you the lunch was at 12:30, not 1:00."

The man, Uzumaki, scowled. "You did, but it might've been more helpful if you'd actually told me where the lunch **was**."

The principal shrugged. "Probably. I see you've met your charge, then?" Uzumaki opened his mouth to reply, but Konohamaru was faster.

"Yeah! The Boss is awesome! He's way better than any of the teachers I had last year!"

Kiba was the first to break the silence. "Whaddaya mean, he's better? He hasn't taught you anything! And what's with the nickname?"

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

'_This is a result of bad karma,'_ Naruto thought, trying to ignore the grown man arguing with his idiot student. '_Maybe from killing people who impeded the government's ability to maintain control?' _He nodded. There was no other explanation.

"All right!" Tsunade snapped, "Shut up! I'm starving so let's hurry up. New teacher," she said, setting her sights on Naruto. "Introduce yourself. Name and position."

"Oh, well, all right," scratching the back of his heads sheepishly, Naruto shrugged. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm the new Geography and freshmen History teacher."

"Good," the blonde woman nodded. "Now, you."

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

Sasuke took a deep breath as the head of the school—and his _loving_ employer—set her sights on him. "Well?" She asked, one eyebrow creeping up toward her hairline in agitation.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke," he ground out. "I'm the Media Specia—"

"Librarian," Kakashi interrupted gleefully. Sasuke glared back at him.

"_Media Specialist._"

Kakashi just chuckled.

"Good. Kakashi?"

"I'm Hatake Kakashi," the older man spoke, ignoring Sasuke's agitated glare. "I teach most of the literature classes."

There was an awkward pause before Kiba cleared his throat nervously and spoke. "I'm Inuzuka Kiba," he said gruffly, seemingly irritated at his present company. "I teach most of the technical career classes."

Tsunade nodded, glancing irritably at the clock for the umpteenth time. "And you all know me. We're going to a grille down past Main Street. Kakashi knows the place." She looked thoughtfully at her four employees, before continuing: "I'll meet you all there. Naruto will drive you all."

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

After dismissing his over eager brat—"Go home, damn it! School doesn't even begin for you till Monday!"—the four men piled in to Naruto's car, Kakashi shooting Sasuke piteous glances from the front passenger's seat while giving directions.

Naruto took a deep breath as he made a left turn out of the school parking lot, the image of his new coworkers in the back seat, Kiba and Sasuke, harass and be harassed respectively.

"Seriously, Uchiha, do you squeak when you walk? I mean, you're 26!"

But enough was enough; Naruto was tired of listening to them. "So," he began casually, glancing at the two, "are you two dating then?" The car fell silent.

"Fuck that! I'm no queer!" Kiba growled, scooting away from the other man. Sasuke looked like his brain had melted, an oddly blank expression—complete with his mouth hanging slightly open—plastered across his face.

Kakashi snorted next to him. "No, they're more likely to kill each other than fuck."

"Oh? Guess I was mistaken. I mean, all Inuzuka seems to talk about is whether or not Uchiha's had sex. I figured he was mad 'cause no one was putting out."

There was silence one more, breaking only when Sasuke let out an undignified noise between a snort and a giggle. "Dobe. Like I'd voluntarily let _him_ anywhere near me."

Kakashi choked on his own saliva, sputtering. Naruto chuckled. "Sure, teme. I'll believe that." Sasuke 'harrumphed'.

The remainder of the ride was filled with silence, only interrupted by Kakashi giving directions.

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

"Took you all long enough," Tsunade said, a cocky grin spreading across her face, as they took their seats at her table in the small grille. It wasn't an overly fancy place; it was a small brick building, with decorative vines crawling down the walls.

Sasuke, however, was not noticing the quaint décor or charming atmosphere. His attention was centered on a certain blond _Dobe_. This, of course, did not go unnoticed by anyone BUT said blond Dobe.

"So then," Tsunade cleared her throat, arching a brow at Kakashi in question who in turn just shook his head and shrugged. She cleared her throat again. "So," she repeated, "now that we're all here, let's get to know the new guy." Tormenting the newbies always made things better in the esteemed principal's mind.

Sasuke resisted the urge to bash his head into the pretty clothed table. Just as he—along with everyone else, more than likely—was about to protest, the waitress showed up.

"Hey guys and gals!" She squeaked, clearly unaware of the pitch of her voice as everyone at the table, save for Naruto, winced. (For the record, he had heard worse.) "Welcome! Can I take your orders?" She giggled, turning her sights on Naruto when no one answered. "How about you, Cutie?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed with an onset of ownership of the blond. Naruto blinked for a moment, and then spoke.

"Well, okay then. I'll have—" He trailed off, giving the menu a look that seemed to scream 'I don't know what the Hell any of this is!' The waitress giggled again, and took the opportunity to lean over him, her breasts bulging out of the low-cut shirt and brushing against his shoulder. Sasuke's eyes narrowed further. Kiba laughed.

"How 'bout this, Hun?" She said, poking at a random listing on the menu.

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

'Oh, shit.' Naruto groaned internally, trying to think of the quickest way to get the waitress off him that didn't involve severing any limbs or an untimely death—for her or him.

"Yeah, sounds good," he said with a reluctant smile, not even seeing what she was pointing at.

"All right then," she giggled again. "Who's next?" They each gave their orders, Sasuke finishing off the last one in a strained tone. "Okay," she said, "those will be out in just a pinch." She slid her small note pad in to the pocket of her apron, smiling. "And my name's Chiho. Let me know if you need _anything_." She headed off with a wink—at Naruto, of course. Sasuke was slightly vindicated by the mortified expression on the man's face.

Tsunade gave her newest employee and smug grin as Kiba gave a barking laugh. "Damn, Uzumaki. Do all girls react to you like that?"

This, more than anything else, was one of those awkward social situations that he **hated**. "Yeah, Inuzuka. All girls are like that to me," he said flatly. "Every damn one of them." Well, sort of. But then again, the only girls he had firsthand experience with were ones in ANBU. Or that he'd met on missions. Or that he'd killed.

"Don't sound so happy about it!" The other man grinned, sharp canines exposed. "People might get the wrong idea."

"You mean like you and Uchiha?" Yes, just rub some salt in the wound. That ALWAYS makes it better.

"I told you I ain't like that!" Kiba roared, slamming his hands on to the table in defiance. Naruto just shrugged.

"Denial."

"You—you bastard! You are just as bad as Uchiha!" He sputtered.

"Okay."

"You are! Just like him!"

"I think he's got your point, Inuzuka. Let it go." Sasuke cut in, agitated.

"And you!" He turned on the dark haired man, ripping into him. "You should be more upset about—Oh my God, you _are_ in love with me, aren't you?" Kiba gasped. Sasuke just stared uncomprehendingly as Naruto snickered under his breath.

"Jesus," Tsunade muttered, rubbing her forehead. "Already making enemies, Blondie?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Just messin' with his head."

The conversation carried on for a while, Sasuke—and occasionally Kakashi—messing with Kiba while Tsunade ignored them all in favor of nursing her gin and tonic. It was all fine until their food arrived, the waitress gone in place of a middle aged man with a stony face.

He had taken the utmost care in giving them their proper meals, giving each of them covert glances several times before placing their plates in front of them. Normally, a person would brush it off as an inexperienced waiter just trying to do his best, but Naruto was far from normal people. As his new coworkers dug in to their meals, he took a spoonful –it was called 'Penne Rustica' according to the waitress—and discretely sniffed it.

It smelled normal enough, he supposed, but then he caught _that_ scent. That bitter smell that lay just underneath the scent of spicy sauce and meat, denoting the presence of a powerful and subtle poison: cyanide.

Placing the spoon back on his place nonchalantly, he stood up, managing to knock the meal off the table and all over the floor and his lap in one fluid motion. "Oops," he laughed, sidestepping the frantic waitress that ran over to clean it up and offer him a second meal. "Ah, hey, don't worry about it. It was my fault, right? But," he glanced around, "where's your restroom?"

"Oh! It's right over there, Sir. By the kitchen."

"Okay, thanks." Waving off Kiba's calls of 'Smooth Uzumaki!' he wandered out of sight down the hall where the restroom and kitchen were, standing in the kitchen doorway and keeping an eye out for the waiter from before. He was nowhere in sight.

With a growl, he slid out his cell phone, calling his new partner.

"Hello?" A voice spoke after several rings.

"We have a problem, Nara."

There was silence on the other line for a moment, then a muffled 'excuse me' before the other man spoke again.

"What kind of problem do you mean?" The other man sighed.

"I mean it's not even been a week and someone has found out."

More silence, followed by, "Found out?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"I'm at a restaurant with the principal and several others for that damned mixer," Naruto growled, pushing a hand through his thick hair in frustration, "and there was _cyanide_ in my god damned food!"

"Are you positive that's what it was? Maybe you're—"

"You think I've never used it before?" Naruto said quietly, glancing around still for any eavesdroppers, "You think no one's ever tried to use it on me? I have. I know the signs."

"Fucking troublesome," the irritated voice from responded from the other line, the deep inhale-exhale of a drag from a cigarette following it. "I'm going to need to speak to the Uppers about this. Try to remember everything you can about the situation." There was a click, and then the line went dead.

With a sigh, he turned to head back to the table, giving one last glance to—

There he was.

The waiter, in all his stony faced glory, was standing near the restroom entrance by the emergency exit. He locked gazes with Naruto, then kicked the door open and walked out, letting it clang shut behind him.

He didn't have a gun or a knife or, well, anything, really. But this man, whoever he was, either knew he was in ROOT or knew he was an ANBU, and for this, he needed to die.

Now.

Walking quickly, Naruto opened the door slowly, peering outside. It led directly to a back alley behind the restaurant where the trash bin was. Stepping out, he was immediately greeted with the loud 'crack' he had long since come to associate with pain and the heavy scent of gun powder.

Throwing himself out of the doorway and behind a trash bin, his hand instinctively flew to where his holster would normally be on his thigh, reaching for nothing. 'Shit,' he hissed internally. This was bad.

Chancing a glance around the heavy metal bin, he saw that the man was just…standing there. Not hiding and not doing anything.

"Kyuubi," the man called. "Come out. Now."

"Sure," Naruto snorted. "Sounds like a plan. Will you be shooting me before I stand up or after?"

"Neither, preferably. Now come out here; cowardice is not becoming of a man of your rank."

Well, this bit the big one. The man not only knew who he was and what his ANBU code name had been, but also implied knowledge of his rank.

"All right," he finally consented, "I'm coming out." Standing from his kneeling position cautiously, he moved away from the bin, facing the man.

"I'm impressed," the man said then, giving him what appeared to be a smile. "You really know your stuff. I didn't think you'd catch that poison."

"'Course not," Naruto sneered. "What do you want?"

"Straight to the point, huh?" He shrugged. "All right then. You may call me Yamato; I am a senior ROOT member, and I came to test you on orders from the higher ups."

"Test me?" Naruto repeated incredulously. "If you doubted my abilities, then why try to recruit me at all?"

"You're asking the wrong person, Kyuubi," the man responded simply. "Either way, you didn't honestly believe we'd leave that lazy Nara to be the only contact ROOT has with you, did you?"

Naruto had to agree with that. The man just wasn't the material that a person needed to be, to be a proper spy. "So I'll be working with you, then?"

"No. Nara is your partner. You'll need him," Yamato nodded. "I'll just be confirming details with you."

"Right then." Naruto felt so tired and heavy then. "I'm in the middle of—well, you know. I should head back."

"Of course, Kyuubi. Until then." With a nod, Yamato walked off, his gun hidden from view.

"Definitely," Naruto muttered in irritation as he walked back to the table, "_definitely_ not retirement."

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

When Naruto had walked off, leaving the flustered waitress to deal with his mess, Kakashi and Tsunade had immediately turned to Sasuke, nodding knowingly.

"It's about damn time," Tsunade said, tossing back another gulp.

"I knew it would happen eventually." Kakashi added.

"What?" Sasuke snapped. "What did you know?"

"That you'd eventually be attracted to someone. It's really about time, Sasuke."

Sasuke gaped at them. "What the—"

"It's obvious, Uchiha. You practically growled at that waitress that was hitting on him. I mean," Kiba grinned, "you've known him for what? An hour? You move pretty fast when you want to."

"How can you even THINK that? I don't even—"

"Oh, come one, Mr. Librarian," Kakashi teased, "I'm sure you'll be adding _his_ picture to your spank bank toni—"

"Don't. Need. To hear it," Kiba growled. "No way, no how. Keep that to yourself."

Sasuke grit his teeth, glaring moodily out the window next to his seat. It wasn't _his_ fault that the man had actually defended him and that his hormones had decided to jump for joy at that _fine_ male specimen, with his—

He groaned inwardly. Had he not been an Uchiha and a man of dignity, he would've slammed his head in to the table and hoped for brain damage.

Twenty-six was _not_ the age when one should be having their first crush.

**

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**AN**: All right! First off, keep in mind what I said. Naruto and Sasuke won't be jumping in to bed for a LONG time. Sasuke's crush may seem a bit sudden, but when I delve into his back story more, it will make sense. Pinky promise.

And what's this? Another ROOT agent?! By the gods!

NEXT TIME: Kakashi gives advice, Sasuke is awkward, and Shikamaru sends Naruto to buy the beer. BE THERE.

AND HEY! I like constructive criticism as well as reviews. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.


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